CHEER.chou

不知道誰偷聽的我跟 HTC 工程師歐文的日常對話，把它改成動畫貼出來了，真的好賤！但它的確活生生血淋淋地描寫出 iPhone 跟 HTC 生死鬥的真相。而雖然影片中好像一面倒在嘲諷 iPhone 的缺點以及鳳迷們的無知，但是... 看到最後，請問你有記得他推的是 HTC 的哪支手機嗎？不妨再看一次吧！看你會不會被 iPhone 這個字洗腦到愛上它！

The salesman：Welcome to phone mart. How may I help u?
店員：歡迎光臨手機超市，請問有什麼可以為您服務的嗎？

The customer：iPhone4. Where is the iPhone4? I need an iPhone4.
顧客：iPhone4，iPhone4 在哪裡？我要 iPhone4

The salesman：Oh, I’m very sorry, but we are currently sold out. However, we did finally get some HTC Evos in.
店員：喔，不好意思，它現在缺貨。不過，我們好不容易剛進了一批 HTC Evo...

The customer：What is that? Is that an iPhone?
顧客：那是啥？是 iPhone 嗎？

The salesman：No, it is that 4G phone on sprint.
店員：不，它是一台跟 sprint電信合作的 4G 手機

The customer：If it’s not an iPhone, why would I want it?
顧客：既然不是 iPhone，我怎麼會想要？

The salesman：Well it’s similar to an iPhone but has a bigger screen.
店員：但是，他跟 iPhone 很像，而且螢幕還更大

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：The internet speed is around three times faster.
店員：網路速度也快了三倍有喔

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：It has a higher resolution camera on both the front and the back.
店員：還配備更高畫素的相機，前後都有

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：And it doesn’t required you to be on Wi-Fi to use video chat.
店員：它不需要連上 Wi-Fi，就可以打影像電話

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：Its battery is replaceable as is the memory card.
店員：電池還可以自行替換，記憶卡也是喔

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：It is highly customizable, everything from the widgets to the icons, the funcs and even has video wallpaper.
店員：他可以任你做個性化設定，不管是工具還是圖示還是功能，甚至還有動態桌面圖案

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：The monthly bill is cheaper.
店員：每個月的帳單更便宜

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：It fucking prints money.
店員：他還會印鈔票

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：It can grade up the three wishes even if one of those wishes is for an iPhone.
店員：他可以幫你實現三個願望，甚至你可以用其中一個願望來許願得到 iPhone

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：It has an app that will build you an island, and then it’ll fucking transforms into a jet and flies you there.
店員：他有個應用程式能幫你建一座小島，然後手機會變成噴射機直接載你過去。

The customer：I don’t care.
顧客：我不在乎

The salesman：And it’s mother fucking indestructible.
店員：而且他真他媽的摔不爛

The customer：I don’t care about any of that.
顧客：我一點都不在乎

The salesman：OK, fine. Then what the hell in theisis you’re about the iPhone for? if you don’t mind me asking.
店員：好吧！那可以請你告訴我你堅持要 iPhone 的原因嗎？如果你不介意的話。

The customer：It is an iPhone.
顧客：因為它是 iPhone

The salesman：You do realize that doesn’t mean anything? It’s a brand. They could’ve put on a fucking brick and call it an iPhone if they wanted to.
店員：你應該知道那沒有意義吧？那只是個品牌，他們也可以拿塊石頭貼上標籤跟你說那是iPhone

The customer：Yes, but it’s the best phone.
顧客：沒錯，但它是最好的手機

The salesman：Can you explain how?
店員：可以請你解釋一下嗎？

The customer：I can download apps to it.
顧客：他可以下載好多遊戲

The salesman：Big fucking deal! My eight years old misses shitty boos mobile phone has apps in it.
店員：真了不起，我那用了八年的破銅爛鐵手機裡面也有遊戲

The customer：It’s 3G and has the wi-fis.
顧客：他有 3G 網路還有 Wi-Fi

The salesman：What the fuck! Do you even know what that means?
店員：去你媽的！你懂那是什麼嗎？

The customer：Um... it can... I... it... um...
顧客：嗯... 就可以... 我... 它... 嗯...

The salesman：Listen. I’m out of the god damn iPhone anyway. I guess if you are fine using AT&T’s shitty ass network, and don’t mind to paying all the else for the plan on the phone, and also don’t mind having a brand new phone that’s already behind the curve. Then I can put you on our reservation list.
店員：聽好來，反正我這邊現在沒有他媽的 iPhone，如果你真的不介意用 AT&T 的龜速網路，也不介意傾家蕩產買一隻手機，更不介意那手機基本上跟不上時代，那我可以幫你列入等候名單

The customer：No, I’ll just try somewhere else. I’ll have to have it today.
顧客：不，我想去別的地方看看。我今天就要拿到

The salesman：Are you serious? Not only are you, so are bad shit stupid that you still want this device, you are also so retarded that you think you can just fucking walk into any store and purchase one on the launch day without a preorder?
店員：你是認真的嗎？難道說你真的笨到挫塞還死心塌地想要這鬼東西，更智障到以為不用預購，然後在上市第一天隨便走進哪家手機店就可以買到嗎？

The customer：Yes.
顧客：是啊

The salesman：I think. I think I need to go to chop off my own dick now. Yes, I think I will. I don’t need my children growing up in a world populated by the upshits like you.
店員：我想，我現在要去切掉我的小雞雞了。是的，我會的。我可不想要我的子孫生長在一個充滿你們這種狗屎人的世界！

The customer：I need an iPhone4.
顧客：我要一支 iPhone4

The salesman：Holy fuck. If you don’t leave I’m going to fucking go find one for you and shove it so far up your ass.
店員：吃大便！如果你再不滾，我就去找支 iPhone，然後用它插爆你小菊花！

The customer：I want the one with the bigger GBs.
顧客：那我要容量比較大的那支

The salesman：Oh GOD. I think I just had a $%^%^&!@#%. I... I am dying. Are you happy? You fucking stupidity has killed me. Now my goddamn cat is homeless. I’m no longer alive. I’m dead.
店員：喔天啊！我好像（某種聽不懂的病發作了）我... 我要死了，這下你高興了吧！你他媽的愚蠢殺死了我，這下我他媽的貓無家可歸了，我活不下去了，我掛了！

The customer：I need a white one. Hello? I need one now please. Can you wave the activation fee? Does it come with a case? I also need you to hook up my Bluetooth to it. Hello? Hello?
顧客：我想要白色的。哈囉？我現在就要，麻煩你了。還有，可以幫我現場開通嗎？他有盒子裝嗎？我還要請你幫我的藍芽連線一下... 哈囉？哈囉？

The salesman：...............
店員：...............

The customer：Fuck it! I’ll go somewhere else. My sister said Walgreens has them. Goodbye.
顧客：幹！我要閃了。我姊跟我說網路上好像有在賣，再見！