去年要出國前,巴斯同學特地提醒,到了紐約有閒時間閒錢,記得要去看Avenue Q。當然囉,在紐約的時候,閒錢是不多,閒時間倒是不少,Wicked的樂透抽票我都連續去衝三天了(仍然沒抽中)。只是要看Avenue Q倒是沒有熱門的Wicked那麼遙不可及,只要到TKTS票亭就可以買到半價的orchestra票,而且只有一個人要看,位置也好喬,不至於太偏斜。

Avenue Q真人加偶劇的演出方式,乍看之下像是原班人馬從芝麻街搬過來,但是千萬不要因為這樣就帶涉世未深的小孩進去看,不然小鬼學了一口髒話、滿腦淫念,我可不負責任(裡面可是有比鬼娃新娘還激情的布偶床戲)。

主角Princeton是個剛從大學英文系畢業的菜鳥,跟台灣念中文系畢業的一樣,都面臨畢業即失業的窘境。他找房子找到了Avenue Q來,遇到了一群奇怪的鄰居。包括:32歲還待業中的Brian、他的日籍未婚妻Christmas Eve;躲在衣櫃裡的同志Rod、他那莽撞的室友Nicky;還有Kate Monster跟Trekki Monster這兩位沒有親戚關係的人偶獸,一個是純情浪漫的幼稚園老師,一個是粗魯莽撞的SOHO族;連住宅管理員都是散盡家產的過氣童星。

有這麼多莫名其妙的角色,還有色情跟言語暴力(and more)的元素,但在我眼中,Avenue Q卻是一部勵志到不行的音樂劇,往後會再介紹其他歌曲,但從他的開場曲「It Sucks To Be Me」就可以略窺一二,雖然一開始是在抱怨誰過得比較衰,但是發現竟然每個人都過得很衰,或是有人過得比我衰之後,就覺得好像也沒什麼了。這算是阿Q嗎?或者是,就很Avenue Q吧!


Press the button and welcome to Avenue Q!

PRINCETON : What do you do(前途茫茫啊)
  with a B.A. in English,(拿個國文系學士能幹嘛?)
  What is my life going to be?(我的人生要往哪去)
  Four years of college(大學四年)
  and plenty of knowledge(學了一堆冷知識)
  Have earned me this useless degree.(換來一張沒用的證書)
  I can't pay the bills yet,(還不起助學貸款)
  'Cause I have no skills yet,(因為我沒有專長)
  The world is a big scary place.(這是個人吃人的世界)
  But somehow I can't shake,(但我不能退縮)
  The feeling I might make,(我有一種預感)
  A difference, To the human race.(總有一天要要造福全人類)

KATE MONSTER : Morning, Brian!(早安小布)
BRIAN : Hi, Kate Monster. (嗨!凱特獸)
KATE MONSTER : How's life?(最近好嗎?)
BRIAN : Disappointing!(爛透了)
KATE MONSTER : What's the matter?(怎麼了?)
BRIAN : The catering company laid me off.(外燴公司炒我魷魚)
KATE MONSTER : Oh, I'm sorry!(喔!粉抱歉)
BRIAN : Me too! I mean, look at me!(我才抱歉!你瞧瞧!)
  I'm ten years out of college,(我大學畢業十年了)
  and I always thought -(我還以為…)
KATE MONSTER : What?(啥?)
BRIAN : No, it sounds stupid.(算了,說來好蠢啊!)
KATE MONSTER : Aww, come on!(喔~講嘛~)
BRIAN : When I was little I thought I would be...(我小時候的志願是)
KATE MONSTER : What?(啥?)
BRIAN : A big comedian on late night TV.(變成像菲哥那樣的A咖)
  But now I'm thirty-two.(但我已經32歲了)
  And as you can see I'm not.(瞧瞧我,根本就沒成)
KATE MONSTER : Nope!(的確)

BRIAN : Oh Well, It sucks to be me.(喔馬的!我真失敗)
KATE MONSTER : Nooo.(不會啦~)
BRIAN : It sucks to be me.(我真悲哀)
KATE MONSTER : No!(別降說)
BRIAN : It sucks to be broke(破產就算了)
  and unemployed and turning thirty-three.(失業還加上就快33歲)
  It sucks to be me.(我真悲哀)

KATE MONSTER : Oh, you think your life sucks?(喔?你以為你很悲哀?)
BRIAN : I think so.(當然啊)
KATE MONSTER : Your problems aren't so bad!(有那麼嚴重嗎?)
  I'm kinda pretty and pretty damn smart.(看我又漂亮又聰明)
BRIAN : You are.(還不賴)
KATE MONSTER : Thanks!(謝啦!)
  I like romantic things like music and art.(我愛浪漫的東西,像是音樂藝術)
  And as you know I have a gigantic heart(更何況,我有顆超級善良的心)
  So why don't I have A boyfriend?(所以,為什麼?我沒有男朋友?)
  Fuck! It sucks to be me!(幹!我真他媽悲哀!)
BRIAN : Me too.(我也是)
KATE MONSTER : It sucks to be me.(我真悲哀)
BRIAN : It sucks to be me.(我真悲哀)
  It sucks to be Brian...(小布的人生真悲哀)
KATE MONSTER : And Kate...(凱特也是)
BRIAN : To not have a job!(我想要工作!)
KATE MONSTER : To not have a date!(我要男朋友!)
BOTH : It sucks to be me.(我的人生真悲哀)

BRIAN : Hey, Rod, Nicky,(嘿!小羅、尼基)
  can you settle something for us?(可以幫我們擺平一件事嗎?)
  Do you have a second?(有時間嗎?)
ROD : Ah, certainly.(啊,好啊!)
KATE MONSTER : Whose life sucks more?(誰的人生比較悲哀?)
  Brian's or mine?(是小布還是我?)
NICKY AND ROD : Ours!(我們才是!)

ROD : We live together.(我們住在一起)
NICKY : We're as close as people can get.(可以說是最親密的人)
ROD : We've been the best of buddies...(也可以說是最好的朋友)
NICKY : Ever since the day we met.(從我們認識那一天起)
ROD : So he knows lots of ways(所以他深知所有詭計)
  to make me really upset.(把我惹得很毛)
  Oh, every day is an aggravation.(每天都要激怒我)
NICKY : Come on, that's an exaggeration!(少來,你太誇張了)
ROD : You leave your clothes out.(你衣服亂丟)
  You put your feet on my chair.(把髒腳放在我椅子上)

NICKY : Oh yeah?(是嗎?)
  You do such anal things(你整天做些娘娘腔的事)
  like ironing your underwear.(連內褲都要燙)
ROD : You make that very small apartment(你讓那小小的公寓)
  we share a hell.(像是地獄)
NICKY : So do you.(你還不是)
  That's why I'm in hell too!(我也是生不如死)
ROD : It sucks to be me!(我的人生真悲哀)
NICKY : No, it sucks to be me!(屁!我的人生才悲哀)
KATE MONSTER : It sucks to be me!(我真悲哀)
BRIAN : It sucks to be me!(我才叫悲哀)
ALL : Is there anybody here(這裡有哪個人)
  it doesn't suck to be?(活得不悲哀嗎?)
  It sucks to be me!(我的人生真悲哀)

CHRISTMAS EVE : Why you all so happy?(你們在爽什麼?)
NICKY : Because our lives suck!(因為我們的人生太悲哀)
CHRISTMAS EVE : Your lives suck?(你們的人生太悲哀?)
  I hearing you correctly? Ha!(我聽你們在喇賽!哈!)
  I coming to this country(我來這鳥國家)
  for opportunities.(想撈些油水)
  Tried to work in Korean deli(去韓國餐廳端盤子)
  but I am Japanese.(但我是日本人)
  But with hard work(雖然我很努力)
  I earn two Master's Degrees(拿了兩個學位)
  In social work!(想做社工)
  And now I a therapist!(但我現在是個治療師)
  But I have no clients.(可是沒人上門)
  And I have an unemployed fiance'!(還有一個失業的未婚夫)
  And we have lots of bills to pay!(跟一大堆帳單要付)
  It suck to be me!(我才叫悲哀!)
  It suck to be me!(我才叫悲哀!)
  I say it(我說我啊)
  Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-(悲悲悲悲)
  Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-(悲悲悲悲)
  Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-Sucka-(悲悲悲悲)
  Suck!(悲哀!)
  It suck to be me!(我的人生真悲哀)

PRINCETON : Excuse me?(歹勢)
BRIAN : Hey there.(你好啊)
PRINCETON : Sorry to bother you,(不好意思打擾一下)
  but I'm looking for a place to live.(我在找住的地方)
CHRISTMAS EVE : Why you looking all the way out here?(怎麼找到這裡來?)
PRINCETON : Well, I started at Avenue A,(我從A大道開始找)
  but so far everything is out of my price range.(但是一直都超出我的預算)
  But this neighborhood looks a lot cheaper!(這邊看起來比較廉價)
  Oh, and look - a "For Rent" sign!(喔!看!有房子要租!)
BRIAN : You need to talk to the superintendent.(你要跟管理員談談)
  Let me get him.(讓我來叫他)
PRINCETON : Great, thanks!(太好了,謝謝)
BRIAN : Yo, Gary!(唷!蓋瑞!)

GARY COLEMAN : I'm comin'! I'm comin'!(來了!來了!)
PRINCETON : Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!(老天爺啊!是蓋瑞高曼!)
GARY COLEMAN : Yes I am!(是的,正是在下)
  I'm Gary Coleman(我是蓋瑞高曼)
  from TV's Different Strokes(當年是個紅牌小童星)
  I made a lotta money(賺了一大筆錢)
  that got stolen by my folks!(結果都被親戚朋友A走)
  Now I'm broke(現在我窮到脫褲)
  and I'm the butt of everyone's jokes,(變成了路人的笑柄)
  But I'm here - The Superintendent!(淪落到這裡,做個管理員)
  On Avenue Q -(在Q大道)

ALL : It sucks to be you.(你真悲哀)
KATE MONSTER : You win!(你贏了)
ALL : It sucks to be you.(你真悲哀)
BRIAN : I feel better now!(現在我覺得好多了)
GARY COLEMAN : Try having people(怎樣才能阻止路人)
  stopping you to ask you(別拿那句台詞搞我)
  "What you talkin' 'bout, Willis?"(你咧供三小?威利?)
  It gets old.(老梗了)

ALL : It sucks to be you(你真悲哀)
  On Avenue Q (Sucks to be me)(在Q大道,我的人生很悲哀)
  On Avenue Q (Sucks to be you)(在Q大道,你的人生很悲哀)
  On Avenue Q (Sucks to be us)(在Q大道,我們的人生都很悲哀)
  But not when(但是只要)
  We're together(我們在一起)
  We're together(我們在一起)
  Here on Avenue Q!(在Q大道上)
  We live on Avenue Q!(我們住在Q大道)
  Our friends do too!(我們的朋友也在)
  'Til our dreams come true,(夢想就會成真)
  We live on Avenue Q!(我們住在Q大道)
PRINCETON : This is real life!(這才叫真實人生)
ALL : We live on Avenue Q!(我們住在Q大道)
NICKY : You're gonna love it!(你會愛死它的)
ALL : We live on Avenue Q!(我們住在Q大道)
GARY COLEMAN : Here's your keys!(鑰匙給你)
ALL : Welcome to Avenue Q!(歡迎光臨Q大道)

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